I’ve been feeling really blessed lately. Nothing major has happened, in fact, it all kinda looks like the plans I’ve had for the last few months are falling apart. However, in the last couple of weeks I have seen my intentions manifest in really interesting ways. To be honest I just don’t care too much to acknowledge my fear anymore and I think the Universe is responding to that and opening her hands and saying, “here.”

Not that it’s simple or easy but something inside me has definitely changed. Since the major shift in December I’ve been a huge mess. I ended the most important relationship of my life in February. I can’t remember a more depressing time for me than the last seven or eight months. The recent ones have felt more like a cleansing though. I have a clearer understanding of what I want out of life, relationships and art and I have this huge desire to connect with everyone. Talk to everyone, hear their story and see how that changes my life. I guess I kind of see life like a video game now and it’s time to find some keys and maps and level up.

how many times must i look at you like this, 
this longing look that drenches my face while i try
to look cool? leaning against a bar counter, everyone here is the 
saddest person i've ever seen, in the morning they'll regret 
the things they wore

how many times must you look at me with those eyes, that say 
something, I think, more than what you're mouth says?
The beating heart of trivial words thumps louder the more abundant 
the  glasses

become 

The arch of your back appears in the corner of my eye
as I turn to reach for my drink, in a split second, i
spent an hour in front of watercolors and definitions, 
and you spoke words and i spoke words, and stories were shared

between 

us

how many times must i look at you like this?

by Arthur Morales

I have my first interview for my professors positive deviance project on Thursday with one of our local television anchors. I’m pretty excited and nervous at the same time, but that’s only because we have such a small time frame.

It was nice how you just walked into my dream last night

dressed in flowers and cotton, hanging below your knees

You told me, 

“I haven’t decided whether or not I’ll stay or leave,”

But your back told my teeth

I have what I need

-by Arthur Morales

So, my professor has asked me and another student to help him with the research process for one of his upcoming books on Latina/o’s in television journalism. I’m really excited to be a part of this project and I can’t wait to get started!

A teeny, tiny update:

I still don’t have internet which is the reason why I don’t update as often but I try to do a little at the library at school. The first summer session is turning out to be pretty cool. I’m taking Chicano Film and, although, it’s a lot of work, I am enjoying it a lot. 

Also, I had to give Abernathy back to her previous owner, mainly because I felt that my life isn’t stable enough at this moment to take care of a cat. They are very sensitive to their envirnoment and the last thing I wanted to do was have her for a year and then have to give her away because I had to move to a place that wasn’t very cat friendly. I’m not planning on moving anytime soon but I was just trying to plan ahead of time and do what’s best for her.

I already miss her immensely, even though I only had her for two days. We both became attached pretty quickly.

The look you gave me was like a mirror

Shattered

And useless without the nails to hold it up.

So, last night…was pretty awesome. I had never tried E before, and I’ll admit I was a little scared, but damn was that fun. I didn’t even care what I did at NDMF, I didn’t HAVE to see any bands or artists. I just went along with the world and enjoyed every minute of it. 

And I haven’t gone to sleep yet. 

Also, I don’t call or text people when I’m not sober but last night I just wanted to tell everyone how much I loved them. I was complimenting everyone on their band shirts, I wanted to give high fives to all the volunteers, and water and grass were my very best friends. I’m pretty sure I looked ridiculous but it was worth it. 

Also, I only saw Sparta play like three songs. What’s up with that?